Joining an adults swim team has helped two men erase emotional scars
from high school

For many gay men, the high school years were a difficult
experience. Ask those same gay men to name the most stressful part of that
high school era and you'd be surprised to hear the same answer over and over
again. "The most traumatic class for me in High School was Physical Education!" says Steve Armijo, a resident of Long Beach, California.

"I hated PE. It was so intimidating having to be athletic in front of the
other guys. I had no hand-eye coordination and so I was constantly dropping
the football.the baseball.the basketball.the soccer ball...any kind of ball!
Everytime I messed up, the other guys would be really cruel and mean , P.E.
was institutionalized torture for me." Steve at age 16, was shy, averse to
P.E. classes, ostracized by the "regular" boys, preferring to read celebrity
tabloids and watch 'Dynasty' alone in his room.

"I first realized that something about me was different around the 6th grade
when I felt like I had no interest in sports. I always hated P.E. because
I was just so bad at it. I guess that's where my disinterest in sports came
from. Most of the people in school thought of me as a "sissy" because I never
got into sports. I wanted to be an actor, and that was my defense. I joined
the drama club along with the other misfits and nerds in our school.

"I was never what you would call athletic" claims Sergio Rodriguez, also
a resident of Long Beach. "I would dread going to P.E. class. All day long
it would be on my mind. The laughter, the taunts, the fear of being called weak, or being told that you run like a girl, or being called Sissy Sergio. It was not a happy time for me".

For some people the emotional scars of high school PE trauma can live on for years. It keeps many gay men away from sports because they do not see themselves able to participate in a world that ostracized them.

As adults, both Armijo and Rodriguez decided to face those high school fears. They joined a local swim team. The Grunions are Long Beach's first gay and lesbian swim team.

"What I like about the Grunions is that it's not just a club for jocks! It is a team for people - fast swimmers, slow swimmers, rank beginners, Olympic level experts, it's for anyone who loves to swim and wants to improve in an atmosphere that is supportive and friendly!" infuses Rodriguez.

"That is what I like about it too!" agrees Armijo. "I have never ever been
on a team, or competitive. And the other guys on the team have welcomed me,
made me feel comfortable and helped me get better!"

"I finally understand what that team stuff is all about. I have really bonded
with my teammates. I feel like they are my support group. We swim together,
we hang out together, we watch out for each other. It's a shame that I missed
out on all this back in high school. muses Rodriguez.

"Sergio and I laugh about the fact that we are the slowest swimmers on the
team. But you know what? No one else looks down at us because we aren't big
jocks. Everyone goes out of their way to encourage us, to help us improve
and to make us better swimmers. Because in the end I guess that's what being
part of a team is all about. You are only as strong as your weakest link."
states Armijo. "Oh totally!, agrees Rodriguez. "People always look at me
funny when I tell them that I am this years club president, but being on
the team is not about how fast you are, it's how much you want it...and I
really wanted to be a swimmer."

Both men agree that being part of the Long Beach Grunions has helped erase
the scars of those high school years. As athletes, as members of a team,
as competitors, they are replacing those painful memories with new ones.
Their enjoyment and their pride in their accomplishments is obvious.

Not only are these two men re-writing their past, but they are looking forward
to an exciting future. "This year, the Grunions are going to their first
international swim meet. There will be 1,000 swimmers from all over the world
and we're gonna be there! Can you imagine that? Me - Sissy Sergio!" exclaims
Rodriguez. "Not just you Sergio - I'll be there too. We'll be there together.
We'll be there to represent all the nerdy gay boys who got beat up in P.E.
class. We'll be there to show them that you beat us up, you can call us names,
but you can't keep us down! proclaims Armijo.

The Long Beach Grunions is a masters swim club located in Long Beach, California. The Grunions meet 3 times a week at local area pools for swim practice. Women are encouraged and welcome. For up to the minute information, practice times,
days and locations contact the club at info@lbgrunions.com or (562) 252-0220.

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• More LGBT Resources in Long Beach, California can be found
  here.
  
• More Resources for LGBT Athletes can be found here.
  

Thoughts on Cowboys
Mike Glatze, Benjie Nycum & Scott MacPhee, Road Crew of Young Gay America

Young Gay America is a long-term research project / road trip adventure dedicated to improving the lives of LGBTQ youth. Young Gay America's Fifth Trip took Mike, Benjie, and Scott to the Heartland of America...

Driving across Texas, we think about the legendary reputation of this state. Nothing can parallel our experience here. Texas redeemed many things for us. Witnessing the crowds of men and women dressed in cowboy hats dancing with same sex partners in Dallas' Lone Star Saloon dispelled many prejudices and preconceived notions about the modern-day "cowboy". In our minds, before Texas, the cowboy hat was a quintessential symbol of insecure hetero male posing - worn by bullies in high school who beat up gay kids and bark orders at girlfriends, or by George W. Bush and his oil industrialist ilk. But suddenly we saw cowboy hats become a fun accessory again, worn by happy fags and dykes, displayed proudly in homage to the legendary ideals of brotherhood and sisterhood that swelter in the Texas air.

They say that when you come out of the closet (if you're a guy), you feel more masculine than ever before. If we believe masculinity is the ugly scowl on Donald Rumsfeld's face as he barks his way toward war at the expense of a million welfare mothers and breathable air, or George Bush's pathetic swagger across the White House lawn, then this would seem impossible.

But masculinity is so much more than that, and the gay men and women at the Lone Star showed us that masculinity doesn't have to be a fragile ground on which only big-mouthed straight men stand with clenched fists. Dancing arm in arm, those cowboy hat-wearing queers were far more confident about their sexuality and their bodies than our pathetic Napolean of a president could ever hope to be. There's few people alive less masculine than George W Bush. We'd pity the man if he wasn't so dangerous. Bush is your classic overcompensating heterosexual male, desperate to prove a manliness he's not even sure he has, and willing to go to any extremes to do so.

Now that we've been to Texas and redeemed our admittedly prejudiced view of cowboy accoutrements, we can say with proud conviction that big boy Bush doesn't deserve to wear a cowboy hat. He and all the other bullies who terrorize the rest of the world with threats and accusations because they're too wussy to reach out, just as easily as they turn a blind eye to homeland terrorists who threaten the lives of millions of gay kids are a disgrace to the legendary ideals that Texas, that this country, that humankind were founded upon. They're a disgrace to masculinity. They're the reason masculinity has become so synonymous with abuse and stupidity.

But at its heart, masculinity is confidence and love. It's something anyone can "wear", and it's something the gay men AND women in Texas displayed with such pride that we were nearly moved to tears. If they can reclaim this classic symbol of rugged manhood, let it be a reminder to us all to take back the voices, cowboy hats, morals, histories, ideals, dreams, Gods, heavens, and loves that are rightfully ours, even if others try to keep them from us.

Here's hoping the real cowboys win in the end.

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Check out Benjie and Mikes XY Survival Guide: an excellent coming out guide for young gay men.

More information for LGBTI Youth can be found here.

More information for Cowboys can be found here.